How to blast through pesky self-doubt in 3 easy steps!
I've just emerged from the haze of an epic 3D2N sleepover that my daughters had at our place.
Imagine nine 11-year old girls from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. You’ll see a picture of me at the bottom of this blog post in my current state!
It was really cute seeing my twins with their friends, the same group of BFFs that they've spent the past few birthdays with at our place and how they've grown up together, and changed - while staying the same, in many ways.
But I'm writing to you today about a different kind of BFF!
A few weeks ago, I was on a speakers panel at General Assembly in Singapore talking about Personal Branding (that's a term that I don't really like, although I use it is a "short-form" way of explaining what I coach people on. But that's another story for another day).
During the Q&A, someone asked about self-doubt, which often gets in the way of presenting ourself in the best light, and how to overcome it. So I decided to share my B.F.F. framework, which is a simple way of unpacking your own limiting beliefs and reframing them to get past the bleauuuurghh feeling of self-doubt.
B.F.F. stands for Break It Down > Find The Truth > Flip It.
Step 1: Break It Down
When you come face to face with a limiting thought or belief that stops you in its tracks (and you have the awareness to catch yourself), the first thing you can do is break the thought or belief down into it component parts...literally take it apart!
For example, many of us feel at some time or another that we "should have known better". So, break it down by asking yourself:
1. What information did I have at that time, to have known better?
2. If there was evidence that I would have known better, what was it about the situation that caused me to make the decision I did at the time?
3. How is this thought helpful to me right now?
etc etc... you can think of plenty more questions, I'm sure.
Step 2: Find The Truth
After you've broken down the thought of belief, figure out what's REALLY true and what's just NOT. It could be someone's voice in your head - expectations of your family, friends, partner, boss; or just an expectation you've put on yourself.
Or it could be something that IS TRUE. In the earlier example, maybe you DID KNOW BETTER, but decided to do it anyway, because it was convenient, faster, or you honestly couldn't be bothered (at that time). If it is true, then examine your decision-making rationale and then make a new choice for the future, so that if you're faced with a similar situation, you would have more awareness that doing what was convenient, faster, etc would put you back into this very spot. Own up, deal with it, do it better next time.
Step 3: FLIP IT
Now that you've looked at the thought, figured what's true and what's not, it's time to flip the UNTRUTHS.
Going back to the same example, if you know that you're being hard on yourself because of your own high self-expectations, what can you do now to flip that?
Put on your Learner's mindset and ask "How can this become a positive learning moment?" If you've learnt that setting high expectations drives you nuts, go deeper and ask what's driving it.
If it's the need to be perfect, a very common thing amongst high achievers, this could be driven by the belief that to be loved, you need to be perfect. So ask yourself, do YOU love anyone who's less than perfect? You probably should, cos otherwise there'd be no one to love!
You could then FLIP IT by saying "My high standards are met when I bring joy/value to others". If this drives you instead, it becomes much more tangible and empowering, rather than chasing down the illusion of perfection.
So there you have it...a 3 step framework to blast through your own self-doubt and limiting beliefs!
This will be part of the online course, which I have decided to name Radically Me that has been keeping me extremely busy (but not as busy as those nine tween girls!).
Why Radically Me?
Simply put, it's about getting to the core of YOU: what makes you tick, what drives you, brings you joy; and combines your talents, skills, and strengths, to form your essential Personal Brand, and create a life and career you love.
I'm so excited to bring this into the world and hope that I'll see some of you on there when it opens for enrolment in late October! If you're keen to learn more, CLICK HERE!
See you in a couple weeks and in the meantime, PUT BFF INTO ACTION! Would love to hear how it works for you!